TOT 83: Fine tuning the procedural components

“Listening through the eyes”

Exercises to finer tune the procedural components of mediation are used in refresher courses and more in advanced courses.

A role play is chosen.

Trainers become the participants. One of the trainees is chosen as mediator.

Once the opening statement is made, the mediator is asked to inform everyone, what did the mediator hear from the non speaking disputing parties. Whether the mediator listened to what the disputing parties were communicating without speaking.

If the mediator fails to tell, the trainers should step in. 

Each of the trainers will explain what they demonstrated through their body language when the mediator was making the opening statement.

Example

Trainer as disputing party: When mediator said, “when one is speaking the other should not interfere”. I sighed.. I nodded my head happily.. I thought for the first time I would be allowed to speak without interruption from HIM. (Mediator could have gotten an indication that I was never allowed to speak freely). 

Another trainer as a disputing party: When the mediator said “You can reveal confidential information”, I started thinking.. “whether I should reveal my extra marital relationship issue with the mediator or not”.

I was looking up and was in deep thought. (This could have given an indication to the mediator that there may be some confidential information somewhere.) 

Restatement

After each of the parties give their narratives, mediator is asked to give the restatement.

In the restatement whether the mediator has used the technique of “reflection” is to be cross checked. If the restatement was just summarizing and paraphrasing without having an element of reflection, the restatement would be incomplete.

The trainers as Disputing Parties would tell “what was left out”.

For instance:

1. Their emotions were not reflected
2. Their emotions were not reflected correctly
3. Their “actual interest” – what do they expect from mediation is not identified by the mediator. 

ADVANTAGES

This exercise helps the trainees understand that:

1. Opening statement is not an empty formality.
2. Restatement is a combination of several skills like summarizing, paraphrasing, acknowledging, filtering, and reflection.
3. One who is speaking is not just the sender, but also a receiver.
4. and one who is listening is not just the receiver, but also a speaker.

Mediator speaks through the mouth and constantly listens to the participants through the eyes. 

Trainees get clarity about the concept of “sender and receiver”.

“If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall then every step you take will only take you to the wrong place faster”

April Strong
Transformation Coach

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 (All Copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)