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TOT 181-WEEK 181
“Identifying common interests.”
Identification of common interests , helps to move parties from thinking about individual gain to thinking about mutual gain. Taking an imaginary leap into other’s role and thinking from their perspective helps building empathetic connection.
One of the ways to achieve this is to make the effective use of Circular Questions .
How to train the mediators in this?
Define what a circular question is:
Ex; Circular question is a question the answer to which is given by a person not just thinking about his/her interest alone, but also thinking about the interest of others which would also get affected by their answers.
Simulation exercise: Situation: Wife wants separate residence, as she is unable to adjust with her mother in law. Husband is not agreeable to leave his mother alone.
Questions that may be asked :
To wife: (i) What is it that YOU can do so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is happy?
ii) (i) According to you, what is it that your HUSBAND can do so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is happy?
(i) According to you what is it that your MOTHER -IN-LAW can do so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is also happy?
Frame questions of similar kind to be asked to the Husband
Frame questions of similar kind to be asked to the mother in law .
Thus there will be 3X 3 = 9 possible solutions
Note down all the 9 answers. See whether there can be any meeting point. Draw the attention of the parties to the same.
Note: After answer is given to first question , the second question is to be asked. Only after getting answer to first two questions the third questions may be asked .
Practical: Ask the trainee mediator to ask circular questions in Family mediation/ Custody matters/ Partition suits etc
Ask the mediator to facilitate the parties to think and answer each of the three questions.
Ask the mediator to facilitate the parties to put themselves in the shoes of the other party and answer while answering two of the three Questions.
Ask the mediator to summarise the 3 answers given by each of the parties and restate it to each of them. ( One who has given the answers)
Ask the mediator to note down all the 9 answers.
Advantages
- Common interests are identified.
- Collaborative thinking is encouraged.
- One of the elements of principled negotiation: ‘Shifting the focus from individual gain to mutual gain’, is achieved.
- Technique of role reversal is effectively used .
- Empathetic connection is brought between/amongst the parties.
“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whtever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”
Martin Luther King Jr – Political Philosopher
(All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)
Training of Trainers in Mediation 