….TIT 190-Three Tips to Trainers

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TOT 190-WEEK 190

Training of Trainers in Mediation

“THREE TIPS TO TRAINERS”.

The following three tips can help the trainers  achieve more success in their career as trainers.

  1. Openness to receive constructive feedback

A trainer  should never hesitate to  seek feed back from  peers, trainees, lead trainers and observers.

One should not feel offended if the expressed  opinion is not acceptable to the trainer.

Avoiding to receive feed back is  not a healthy practice.

Feed back forms will have to be prepared  at the end of  each  day of the training  and circulated  . The questions may have to be coined  in such a way that the answers  would give  the information required by the trainer.

Use of same feed back forms for all trainings  may have to be avoided.

Trainer must be open to receive  feed back from such  persons who would not hesitate to express constructive criticism.

Inputs by way of “hearsay” may also have to be considered by the trainer.

  • Contemplation

 Trainer should step back and start thinking as to (i) What went well (ii) What did not go well  (iii) What went  completely wrong  and WHY?

Notwithstanding  appreciation by the trainees, self evaluation and contemplation will always guide the  trainer to reach the desired  goal. 

Every  part of  feedback, by any one, will have to be seriously considered by the trainer.  

Trainer has to contemplate on each element of the feed back which may be in the form of  comments/compliments  given by the trainees/lead trainers/observers.

Action without thinking is not appreciated in the field of  training.

  • Approach

Trainers must always be  open to approach the lead trainer and find out what could have been improved.  

Be thankful  to the one who has taken strains to correct the trainer. 

Set goals for future trainings.

Work hard  on oneself.

The ultimate value of life depends  upon awareness  and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival “ – Aristotle.

(All Copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT 189-Training in Listening

WEEK 189

“Training in Listening”.

Listening is not as easy as we think. Best mediator can be the one  who is very good at listening. Major process of mediation deals with listening.  To make the participants to  inculcate this technique of listening is a great challenge  to the trainer.    Participants may have to be made to understand the difference  between  and importance of  (i) Hearing (ii) Understanding (iii) Remembering  (iv)  Evaluating  (  to the extent only of finding the  value of the message from the perspective  of the speaker )(v) Responding., which are all the  components of listening.

How does a trainer achieve this:

(i)A trainer has to prepare  a thoughtful meaningful   interesting  narrative.

And , give the narrative  as though he/she is re living the experience. 

The narrative must have  speaker plus one or two other persons referred to  in the narrative

ii) In pre briefing – trainer has to say that “ He/she would give a narrative which is more personal in nature.  Participants have to listen to the narrative very carefully . and after that they will be told  what to do next.”

iii)  The narrative should have  narration of (i) Facts (ii) Too much of importance given to the speaker  (iii) In a way– self boasting, with repetitions   (iv) Many   adverse comments about – the other two characters. (v) accusations  (vi) Justifications  (vii) At the end passing a judgment that the speaker alone is right.

iv) Once the narrative is completed, the trainer has to pass on the questionnaire to   the participants:

(Example:-

  1. Did they feel any bias about the speaker… “YES or NO”
  2. What did they feel about the speaker.. ( Answer to be in not more than two sentences).
  3. What was the message communicated by the speaker

Answer to be in not more than 4 sentences.

  •  Did they feel any bias about the  message ? (YES Or NO)
  • Can they name the   Bias? If yes, name it.   

v) Give exactly  5 minutes’ time to answer the questionnaire.

vi) Collect the answers.

Read out  some ( depending on the number of participants)

Debrief:  What is meant by bias

What would “receiver  bias” mean?

How can receiver avoid  bias ‘about the speaker’ and bias ‘about the message’.

In the absence of avoiding the receiver bias, how the mediator would not be demonstrating “ empathy with neutrality”.   

Note: (This exercise is  best suited for advance training for mediators who have done at least fifty mediations).

“He who can listen to the music in the midst of noise can achieve great things.” -Vikram Srabhai

(All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT188-Coaching the technique of Facilitation

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TOT 188- WEEK 188

“Coaching   the technique of Facilitation”.

Mediation is considered as a facilitation process. Mediator facilitates the parties to arrive at a solution (which is always subject to their right of self determination). The very concept of facilitation has to be imbibed in the trainees  from the very first basic training in mediation , and has to be part of  continued learning.  Any attempt to facilitate  has to be based on the principles of ‘empathy with neutrality’.

  1. Separating facts  from  opinions:-

Making  the participants understand the difference between the facts  and the opinions, is a challenge.

Give a role play. Ask the parties to give their lengthy  narratives. 

Ask the mediator  to restate the facts , and facts alone.

Eliminating any thing that falls under the category of opinion is the crucial part.   

Wherever the opinion part is made part of restatement, the trainer as a coach has to correct the trainee mediator.

  • Remove the assumptions.

When the trainee mediator restates, trainer  as a coach has to  find out, whether the (i) assumptions of the party/s is reflected by the trainee mediator   (ii) Whether the assumption of the trainee mediator is introduced.

If any or both of these is/are  identified, the trainer has to coach the trainee mediator  as to how to avoid this.  

Summary:   i)What is  the objective of  Coaching in the chosen part of entire exercise has to be identified.

Pre briefing : Trainer has to  clearly give pre briefing as to the chosen objective.  

Ex:  i) Listen to the parties’ narratives. (ii) Restate – summarise (iii) Stick on to fact (iv) Remove  opinions (v)  Filter  assumptions of parties and avoid  personal assumptions.

Debriefing: Highlight the objective, once again.

If through the coaching , the point is clearly understood by the participants, lengthy debriefing can be avoided.

Otherwise, the essence of the exercise has to be reiterated.

Benefits:  When this exercise is done effectively, every mediator understands  that restatement cannot be a mechanical  process. They  understand the nuances of restatement and finer tune their skills of restatement.  

“The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the  comfortable, and comfort the troubled.”

Ric Charlesworth-Former member of  Australian House of Representatives.

(All Copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT 187- From Past towards Future

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TOT 187 WEEK 187

“From Past towards  Future”

(To be used in advanced training).

Mediation is a process which  shifts the mindset of the parties from past towards  their future in the present.   

It is very challenging for any mediator to shift the focus of the parties from past to future.  Parties feel struck  with the past.  Navigation plays a vital role.  Mediation being assisted negotiation, parties may have to be  effectively assisted  by the mediator  to pass through this difficult phase.  It is in this context  training the mediators to handle this critical stage become very challenging for the trainers too.

Active listening   must necessarily be focussed   to:-

  • Listen to their past .
  • Listen to their  present situation
  • Listen to their plans for future.

Navigate them  through a structured  thinking process, by asking effective questions.

Ask the questions leading to the answers. Allow them to take time to answer. Listen to their answers with empathy.

Some questions:-

PAST

What could they have done in the past to resolve the dispute?

Do they regret having not done it?

If they had done , what they could have done , would the problem have been resolved?

II. PRESENT

  What do they think that they can  do now?

Do they think that the present option would be a better option than the one in the past ?

Are they open to consider  settlement through  mediation?

III. FUTURE

How do they want to see their future?

What would they expect to happen through mediation ?

Is it possible?

How would it be possible?

What can be done to achieve  this?

Advantages:

When  each session of the mediation process gets structured the result  gets evident.

Parties  relive the past experience in the present .

They think of their future by being in the present.

They understand what they need to do.

They understand the need to get over the impasse situation.

CAUTION

i)Questions must be thoughtfully chosen.

There has to be a clear demarcation between the questions related to past/present and future.  While dealing with one part, parties thoughts must not be allowed to get it into another part. ( Setting an agenda helps in this regard).

ii) It should not be a mechanical process.

How to train

  1. Explain  the structure  to the participants ( Past- Present- Future) .
  2. Choose a role play.
  3. Ask the parties to follow this methodology.
  4. Watch how they navigate.
  5. Suggest corrections if need be.

“If you quit on the process, you are quitting on the result”.

Idowu Koyenikan – Organisational consultant-author.

(All Copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)     

….TOT 186- Guiding principles for Trainers

 GUIDING PRINCIPLES  FOR TRAINERS

Any trainer giving training in mediation cannot  ignore  the following three areas:

  1.  Knowledge.
  2. Building  required skills.
  3. Mediator’s attitude.

1.Imparting knowledge

Based on the type of training  ( Basic training/ Refresher  course/Advanced training) the trainer has to identify the areas in which knowledge has to be imparted.   This  part of training is completely based on the “content” that is required to be delivered to the participants during the training.  Every session should compulsorily have some “Add On” factors, without which the very purpose of that session would become meaningless.  

Based on the  capacity of the recipients to receive the content related information trainer has to design and structure    each of the sessions of   the  training.

The challenge lies in  facing a situation  of structuring  or restructuring it on the training floor, and  that  the trainer must be prepared  to face this.

2. Building  required skills

Mediation being a practical process, what ever the knowledge one has  gained during the mediation training  about the meaning , structure, components,  related concepts and process of mediation , if the participants are unable to make use of the same in  actual mediations, it will be of no use.   How to make use of the content knowledge in actual mediation requires a skill set.   These skill sets are to be built  in the participants, so that they can make use of the theory part of  knowledge  while doing real mediations.

Trainer has to blend the skill part with the content part so very effectively that the moment a situation  is placed before a mediator, he/she will have to identify what it is, and  what needs to be done why and how?  The content part of knowledge and the practical aspects are collated by the mediator on the spot and the  required technique is used effectively.

3. Attitude

Being equipped with deeper content knowledge, and  required skill sets  alone  will not qualify a person as a mediator.  The effect of first two parts  is dependent on the Mediator’s attitude.  There is no doubt that What needs to be done and Why it needs to be done  stands as  part of mediation.  Attitude of a mediator is the other part .  A person without a mediator’s attitude, not withstanding having absolute knowledge of content and skill part of mediation may not be able to conduct the mediation effectively.

Trainer, has to  see to it that mediator’s attitude is  given equal  importance and  serious attention.  While dealing with the first two parts of training , the third part of  training regarding,   ‘ mediator’s attitude’ has to be  continuously kept woven in such a way that it becomes integral part of the first two areas of training.         

Making the participants to inculcate attitude   and behaviour  expected from a mediator , is a great challenge.  The challenge lies in the fact that the ploughing , sowing the seeds, watering, seeing to it that plant is grown, and  further grown as a tree capable of yielding flowers and fruits all has to be  completed  within the training period.  

Further challenge lies in the fact that the participants being  adult learners,   the concept related to attitude  has to be introduced very delicately , and strengthened effectively.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”

John.C. Maxwell-American Author.

(All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT 185 Refresher Course Preparation

TOT 185

WEEK 185- REFRESHER COURSE- PREPARATION

Refresher courses help the trainees in revisiting the  concepts required to continue in their journey in the given area.  It  helps in further strengthening  of  the foundation .

As refresher courses are  given periodically , it becomes very challenging  for the  trainers to design a specific curriculum for each of the refresher courses.  By and large an identified curriculum for refresher courses may be in place  with any Institution. However, keeping the same as a  broader screen, trainers have to  design the time table, specific to the given refresher course.    

Step 1.

Read the curriculum

Trainers have to go through the  existing curriculum in place.

They must be cautious not to dilute the   specifications  given  in the already designed   curriculum.

However keeping the  curriculum already in place as a template , what more  /additional information can be given to the participants in order to refresh what they already know,  should be the additional objective.

Step 2: Getting inputs

It is advisable to get inputs from the participants to ascertain their need/s:-

  1. What would they expect from the  refresher course.
  2. On which aspects they want more inputs. ( Both theory and practical part )
  3. On which of the aspects  they want more simulation exercises.
  4. Would they like to have more  group discussions? Etc.

A mail inviting the response from the participants in any one or more   of such of  the aspects mentioned as above would  help the trainers to assess the need.  Need assessment is the fundamental requisite of any training program.

Step3: Design General Time table/GTT

Keeping the first and the second point in mind, ( after collecting  response from the participants) , a general time table will have to be prepared.

This should indicate : Time slots  &  Topics to be covered  

Step 4 : Designing   Internal Time Table /ITT

After following the above three steps, the trainers   are required to  assign specific  topics/ sessions  between/amongst themselves.

Who will do what and how long..will have to be specifically mentioned in this time table.

This time table will be a “Working Time Table”,  to be kept on the  table , and to be meticulously followed by the trainers  engaged in the training program.

Step 5 : Design Individual/personal time table  /PTT

After following the   above mentioned 4 steps, each trainer has to  work on each of the topics/sessions allocated to that particular trainer.

  1. Note down the Topic
  2. Divide the topic into sub topics
  3. Identify the content part ..identify the components of each of the concepts
  4. Decide on the methodology (  hand outs/ pictures/  slides/ tables/   lecture mode/facilitation mode/ group discussion/ question and answer session/simulation exercise/role play etc)
  5. Identify combination of the methodologies  to be adopted in  each session, for each of the topics/sub topics.
  6. Identify the examples  to be given.
  7. Allocate time for each unit .
  8. Keep  additional time as a leverage

Advantages: Structuring helps in  achieving the goal.

Direction   gets   visible.

It helps in  effortless  systematic  move   towards the identified goal during the session.

Performance pressure of the trainer ( if any) gets reduced to a maximum extent.

What is to be done? When? How ? and Where ?  gets identified and decided before the session itself.  

Grasping structure of a subject is understanding  it in a way that permits many other things to be related to it meaningfully. To learn structure in short, is to learn how things are related.

Jerome Bruner-American Psychologist

(All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT 184-Training in Systematic use of Techniques

TOT 184-WEEK 184

(TOTIM- TRAINING OF TRAINERS IN MEDIATION)

“Training in  systematic use of Techniques”

(To be applied in  advanced training)

Any technique has to be understood at Four  levels:-

  1. Concept behind the technique
  2. What exactly  is the technique?
  3.  Application part –  Skills to be applied – Why ? Where? How ? and When it is to be used
  4. What other techniques that  may have to be incorporated?

Example:- Identifying issues

 Important  part  of mediation lies in identifying the issue which needs to be resolved . The  importance of such issue will have to be identified from the perspective of  each of the  parties.

Asking questions:  What is more important to you? Why?

                                  According to you what may be  important to the other party? Why?

 Party to a dispute  may mention  A, B, C as  very important .. D and E  as not so important- F and G as some thing which cannot be ignored.

Prioritizing

Ask the party to prioritize   which of the issues is more important, that could be taken for  discussion first .   List the same in the order as   indicated by the party.

Set an agenda

Inform the party that you would be discussing  for the present , on only point (A)/First point., as indicated  by the party .

Directing -redirecting- deferring :

Ask the party open ended questions regarding identified  first issue.

Note:It is  advisable  for the  mediator  to note down the questions to be asked , or formulate the questions well before hand

As the party starts explaining , wherever  the party is going to another issue, or  speaking out of context use the technique of Directing and redirecting.

Summarising and

At the end summarise  what is the opinion of the party on the  identified issue.

And set an agenda for the next issue. Follow the same steps as indicated above.   

How to give training in these aspects?:

  1. Choose a role play. Identify two parties.
  2. Ask each of the parties to explain the narratives.
  3. Ask the trainee mediator to go ahead with  private session.
  4. Ask the trainee mediator to follow the steps as indicated  above .
  5. Wherever the trainee mediator is not using the techniques effectively, trainer may coach  the trainee mediator.

Training would be more effective if one of trainer of trainers takes the role of  party and starts deviating from the topic /issue identified for  discussion, in order to see how effectively the trainee mediator uses the techniques of directing- redirecting- deferring – restatement  etc.

Follow up with debriefing:

Lead trainer has to debrief the whole process , so that in the debriefing the importance of understanding the  concept, content, the techniques, skills and timing  is brought in.

Advantages:

It helps in the best utilisation of mediation time .

Parties know what is happening.

Mediator knows  what is to be done in the given session, and hence will be on track.

The systematic approach  helps parties to think logically and they get clarity  regarding the

solutions that they can  expect for their identified issues.

Professionalism gets demonstrated – parties  find the process as a dignified methodical structured process.  

“If you’re too methodical, too fearful, you’re not going to win. But  the clever thing is to make the calculation correctly about where and when to go over  the top. You’ve got  to know when to push it and when to come back.”

Collin McRae- World Rally Championship Driver’s title winner.

(For previous blog posts visit totim.law.blog)

(All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

….TOT 183-Three Distinct ways of learning

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TOT 183-WEEK 183

“Three distinct ways of learning.”

Trainers may be  asked to render their services  to assist the trainees in :

  1. Learning the Basics
  2. Learning through Refresher Course/s
  3. Learning  through Advanced Training/s

i)Learning the Basics

While giving training in the basics, fundamentals are introduced. Basic concepts, methodologies ,  techniques and skills will be introduced to the trainees .   Trainees will be given inputs as to the theory and practical part of mediation.

In this stage trainers  transfer the knowledge and the trainees accumulate knowledge.

 They are equipped to make use of the  acquired knowledge in the practical situations/actual mediations. Importance  is given to equip the trainees with the capacity of Transference.   

ii) Learning through Refresher Course

Refresher course  helps trainees understand  to bridge the gap between  theory and practical.

They gain better knowledge. They learn  more about the application part . They start strengthening the foundation  laid during the basic training.  The power of retention gets strengthened through  refresher courses.  Positive and negative reinforcement parts of learning get strengthened during refresher courses.

iii).Advanced training

This helps trainees finer tune their understanding of the concepts.  Their mastery over techniques and  skills  reaches to the next level. Advanced training can be about different concepts that are part of basic training. It can be  about a single concept/technique or skill also.

    “What is more  to learn..? What is to be learnt ?  Why do I learn more about it  ? ” – Answers to these questions govern the field of advanced training.

    Example:

    Concept : Open ended questions

    Basic training:

    What is an open ended question will be explained. Some examples will be given. Situations where they are to be  and not to be asked will be  explained.

    Refresher course:

    Trainers may  proceed with a discussion on the following  :

    Have the trainees been using the “Open ended questions? “.  How has it helped the parties in resolving their disputes?  In what situations they have found asking open ended questions  have not yielded any results.. What are the challenges faced by the mediators while  asking open ended questions etc..

    The objectives  are reinstated.

    Some simulation exercises are given  to bring in the above said elements, so that participants get clarity, and  assimilate theory and practical  knowledge.

    Advanced course:

    In this  the objective of Open ended questions  are made to be understood at a very deeper level.

    • The trainer asks some questions to understand their level of understanding.  ( This is generally done before the training.)
    • A methodology is designed  to give  deeper inputs on the topic.

    Ex:  Point for  consideration: i) When and why would an open ended question become a closed ended question for the answerer?

    Question: Tell me  all that you want to tell me about your relationship for ten  long years with your husband before you were separated?

    Answer: It was all fine Madam.  

    ii) What questions need  to be asked  with an open end?  What does the mediator expect to achieve  from that?  Should such  questions be asked  outright? Or Should setting an atmosphere  has to precede?

    How do you get the true advantage of open ended question?

    How do you make the question more important for the answerer than for the one who is asking the question?

    Do you expect them to answer your open ended question?

    Or

    Do you expect them to contemplate on the questions and their probable answers ?

    When do you ask such questions..?

    Do you give a long break or short break..?

    Do you ask them to write everything they want to in answer to your question  and get back?

    Do you explain to them the context in which you are asking the open ended question? ( preparing the mindset to answer the questions? )

    Do you explain the benefit they would be getting in answering the questions?

    How do you frame the questions? 

    Which other techniques would you keep in mind while framing a question….

    Need to understand the effect of open ended questions.

    Level of comprehension of the person from whom the answer is expected?

    Time factors to be considered.

    Etc..

    (Note: The above are  not the only   aspects to be kept in mind and there are many more. )

     As a mediator   keeps growing in the profession,  he/she may come across  disputes that may require deeper understanding of many of the concepts  which have just been touched upon at the initial stage/s of learning  . Periodical advanced training  on each of the concepts  equips a mediator to achieve mastery.

        Trainers will have to keep in mind  at what level they are assisting the trainees . Keeping  the clear objective in mind   before  imparting the training is  very crucial.

    “Learning is not attained by chance; it must be sought for with ador and attended to with diligence.”

    Abigail Adams-   Political  Influencer  and avid reader.  

    (All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

    ….TOT 182- Training through Facilitation

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    TOT 182-WEEK 182

    Training through Facilitation

    One of the  important training  techniques  more useful in mediation training is “Facilitation”.

    As mediation is considered as a facilitative process, and  mediators being  considered as facilitators, it is important to see to it that , trainees understand the  techniques of  facilitation.

     Including facilitation as part of the  training  as and when  required  and possible will be very helpful  for the mediators.

     Points to be remembered 

    Facilitator may have to keep the following in mind;-

    Taking control of the  process in a dignified manner.

    Handling  the  pace and flow of the discussion within the available time .

    Objective : (a)  Strengthen the content knowledge  (b)  Equip   the trainees to become  better facilitators.

    How is it done in advanced trainings :-

    i)Any topic of interest related to mediation can be chosen.

    ii)Chosen number of participants may be asked to express their views.( Each may be given not more than  3 minutes).

    iii)Lead trainer has to capture the essence- and write down – the key points.

    iv) Consolidate all the key points.

    v) Ask one of the  participants to summarise  the  expressed views.

    vi) Lead trainer to summarise  again  for the benefit of all.

    Advantages:

    Active participation  and inclusiveness of  trainees is ensured.

    Learning becomes lively and interesting.

    More views are collected.

    Way of encouraging healthy guided discussion is demonstrated.

    Essence of the concept  is given to the  participants.

       Introduction:

    Lead trainer has to introduce the topic and  open discussions .

    The following  introductions may be considered as examples;-

    1.How  one cannot expect to be a mediator?

    Undergoing training in mediation for forty hours alone cannot help one to be a mediator.

    Constant “reflection”  on how to bring synergy between theory and practical may help one to a very great extent in this journey.

    2.“Need for Apology and Forgiveness in Mediation”

    Mediator cannot persuade  either party to  apologise or forgive.  The process effectively managed by the mediator may by itself set an atmosphere  for seeking apology and/or forgiving. Party’s right of self determination in this regard shall have to be respected by the mediator. “Need for apology” or “Need for forgiveness” or the “Need for Forgiving” is purely individualistic.

     3) Challenges faced by Mediator

    “Party is more worried about what the other should not get than what he/she should get through Mediation.”

    4)Advising in Mediation

    “By advising mediator  takes away the autonomy of the party to think and talk for himself as to what is best for him.”

    5) Role of mediator

    Mediator assists the parties to navigate  through the decision making process. Taking decision/s is left to the  autonomy of the parties.

    6) Essence of each session in mediation

    From one session to another  there has to be progress  in mediation, not just movement.

    7)Effective questioning in mediation.

    An effective question is one  which creates a momentum in  the mediation process and moves the party to consider  moving beyond the status quo position.

    8)Who is responsible for the end result in mediation?

    “The process.”

    None but the process.

    9)What can a mediator do in mediation?

    Mediator can talk gently to make them speak sensibly, speak thoughtfully to make them listen patiently,  listen attentively to make them understand their own problem clearly  , try to understand wholeheartedly  what is not expressed in words to help them get their emotions addressed completely  .

    10) Advising

    Advising  is easier. Understanding is difficult.  Advising without understanding is dangerous.

    (Note: The above listed ten  topics  are part of Linked in   daily posts by the author).

    “Your role as a facilitator of knowledge exchange with adult  learners is to ensure that participants ‘get it’.  Anything less  means that you have failed to meet their learning needs.”

    Robert  W. Lucas – Award Winning Author

    (All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

    ….TOT 181-‘Identifying Common Interests’

    ….

    TOT 181-WEEK 181

    “Identifying common interests.”

     Identification of common interests , helps to move parties from thinking about  individual gain to thinking about mutual gain. Taking an imaginary leap into other’s role and thinking  from their perspective  helps building empathetic connection.

     One of the ways to achieve this is to  make the effective use of  Circular Questions . 

    How to train the mediators in this?

    Define what a circular question is:

    Ex; Circular question is a question the answer to which is given by a person not just thinking about his/her interest alone, but  also thinking about the interest of others which would also get affected  by their answers.  

    Simulation exercise:   Situation:  Wife wants separate residence, as she is unable to adjust with her mother in law.  Husband is not agreeable to leave his mother alone.

    Questions  that may be  asked :

    To wife: (i)  What is it that  YOU  can do so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is happy?

    ii) (i)  According to you, what is it that  your HUSBAND   can do so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is happy?

    (i)  According to you what is it that  your MOTHER -IN-LAW  can do  so that you are happy, your husband is happy and your mother in law is  also happy?

     Frame questions of similar kind to be asked  to the Husband

    Frame questions of similar kind to be asked  to the  mother in law .

    Thus there will be 3X 3 = 9 possible solutions

    Note down all the 9 answers. See whether there can be any meeting point.  Draw the attention of the parties to the same.

    Note:  After answer is given to first question , the second  question is to be asked. Only after getting answer to first two questions the  third questions may be asked .

    Practical: Ask the  trainee mediator  to ask circular questions in Family mediation/ Custody matters/ Partition suits etc

    Ask the mediator to  facilitate the parties to think  and answer each of the three questions.

    Ask the mediator to  facilitate the parties to put themselves in the shoes of the other party and answer while answering  two of the three Questions.

    Ask the mediator to summarise the 3 answers given by each of the parties and restate it  to each of them. ( One who has given the answers)

    Ask the mediator to note down all the 9  answers.

    Advantages

    1. Common interests are identified.
    2. Collaborative thinking  is encouraged.
    3. One of the elements of principled negotiation: ‘Shifting the focus from individual gain to mutual gain’,   is achieved.
    4.   Technique of role reversal is   effectively used .
    5. Empathetic connection is brought between/amongst the parties.

    “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single  garment of destiny.  Whtever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

    Martin Luther King Jr – Political Philosopher

    (All copyrights reserved by the author S.Susheela)

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